Too Much Of A Good Thing

I often wonder what it would be like to have endless hours in the studio painting, contemplating, sketching, analyzing, daydreaming. These days I work in what I like to call ‘microbursts.’  Step in, loosen up and begin…and just as I start to ease into a rhythm, it’s time to put the brushes down and get a handle on my other responsibilities.

I simply don’t have the luxury of five, six, seven, or eight solid hours to break apart and rebuild in one day.  It’s either fifteen minutes here or forty-five minutes there. It is what it is. This is the result of my double-life of owning and operating a business, helping my young adult children navigate their own journeys, assisting my aging parents, managing my ADHD, staying connected to those who matter, and rediscovering my love and need for painting and drawing. This is the life of the Sandwich Generation, and I am in the thick of it.

Despite this unhinged world that is spinning outside my studio, I still must step into it…the world…not just my studio. Essentially, art is about life. Whether it be everything you dreamed it to be or a never-ending nightmare that leaves you with nothing but trauma and triggers. Many artists are loners by nature and I am no different. For me there is a real danger in isolating and I am keenly aware that if I lean into my introverted ways, it will cause my creative juices to dry up.

If I were to sit in my studio for hours upon end, I would struggle. What would I paint about if life is not experienced? I know this dilemma well because this was my challenge in art school. Painting about perspective and accuracy was not enough for me. Only when my aunt died unexpectedly while I was in graduate school did I find a purpose with creativity.

Leaning into the vulnerable is hard but there is where the gold is for me. And if I sit with it for too long, it loses its impact. So, microbursts they shall be.